Taylor's Laws

An occasional series in which I promulgate certain laws of nature, to help us better understand the universe around us.

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Taylor's First Law of Social Motion

For every action there is an opposite, unequal, and stupid reaction.

Explication: A fairly straightforward principle derived from basic observation of the social media sphere. Any thought or idea presented on social media, however minor in importance and innocent in nature, will be met with a reaction that is disproportionate in its scope and negativity.

Taylor's Laws

An occasional series in which I promulgate certain laws of nature, to help us better understand the universe around us

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Taylor's Vehicular Follicle Law

Any luxury car, when being driven with at least one passenger accompanying the driver, will contain at least one blonde person.

Explication: This law is described purely from observational sources. Having lived in enclaves frequented by luxury car drivers for many a year, I can attest from personal witness that this law is true. Why this circumstance is the way it is, is probably an exercise best left to the intelligence of the reader. The socioeconomics of blondness being what they are, this is almost axiomatic, in an a = a sort of way. Nevertheless, this law is worth recording for posterity, if nothing else. Note that the blonde person in question need not be the passenger; it is only necessary for there to be at least two bodies in the vehicle for the law to be operative. (It is entirely possible for a solo luxury car driver to be raven-haired; but if said person is accompanied by a passenger, that passenger will be blonde.)

Taylor's Laws

Note: Taylor's Laws--or variously, Rules, Principles, Axioms, Whatevers--are a series of Laws of Nature and Life as promulgated by yours truly (a la Stephen's Dictionary for words and phrases). I hope to make this a semi-regular feature of Malchats Matters, and possibly to produce a compendium when I have enough Laws formulated.

Taylor's Principle of Pizza Purchasing

Always buy as much pizza as your available funds will allow.

Explication: You always want to maximize the value of your money. Buying as much pizza as your available funds allows will accomplish this. Pizza, in any amount, will always get eaten. Cold pizza is almost as good as fresh out of the oven pizza, so leftovers are always welcome. It will not go bad, even if left sitting in its box for a couple of days (it will rarely achieve that long a shelf life). Thus, every dollar you spend on pizza goes to making a meal--usually a couple of meals. Whatever is the best 'buy in bulk' price that your local pizza joint offers, go for it.